Eyes on the Prize

 Why does this have to be so hard? 

I am struggling. No doubt about it. I am tired. I am tired of hitting one obstacle after another. I am tired of not seeing the results I want. I am tired of feeling like I'm never going to get to where I want to be. 

Lately I find myself scrolling through Instagram or Facebook and wishing I had the amazing successes other people are having. Let's be real, It's no ones fault but my own that I am sitting where I am. I've become complacent. I am letting myself slide slowly down that slippery slope and if I let myself keep going I am going to have one steep mountain to climb back up - AGAIN! 

I've been coasting along for about 2 years, maintaining a 50lbs weight-loss; although still needing to lose at least another 35. But at least I was still in it. If I think about what has happened in the last few months I can probably pin point when my slide down in the wrong direction started. 

COVID hit and our WW studio closed, as did many other businesses. We started our WW virtual meetings which I didn't mind at all. I could still check in, I was getting the support, I was with my people. Within a few weeks we noticed that they actually permanently closed our WW studio. Needless to say many members were quite rattled by this. Some quit, some stayed on as virtual members. I kept on. But then they took away our local virtual meetings as well and encouraged us to go to different cities for our meetings and check ins. THIS was the point at which I believe I started to slide. WW had let me and so many others down. The reason WW worked for me was because it made me feel accountable. I had to check in every week, I had to attend a meeting, I had to weigh in. Now they wanted to me to do that with strangers...yes people with common goals but still...strangers. They weren't my people. 

And so amidst the frustration, Nancy and I decided that we needed to do something. We started our own Losing Living Loving Wellness Support Group. We invited our community to join and we started our own virtual support meetings. It is going so well and I am blessed to have the opportunity to not only provide the platform to offer support but to receive support from this great group of humans. 

A few weeks ago I was sidelined by a foot injury. Gone were most of my daily workouts and long 5k walks in the evenings. Out the window...I couldn't do anything, my foot hurt. It isn't my fault my foot hurt right? 

And then my surgery, thyroidectomy - as if I needed this thrown into my weight-loss struggles. I had told myself I need to just focus on taking care of myself after surgery and never mind the rest. Once I'm recovered I can get back to my weight-loss journey and start fresh. 

What the actual F*&^?! 

 I am so angry with myself. I've let myself down. Why shouldn't I be enough to answer to? I am doing this for me after all. That needs to change. It will take some work but I will get there. 

The nonsense about not working out because of my foot? That was a huge let down. I could have still done something. A floor workout. Resistance. But instead I convinced myself that I couldn't do it, I used it as an excuse. It is absolutely insane how our minds screw us over so easily. I love working out but because I am struggling I talked myself out of doing it. That will not happen again. 

My surgery. Yes it was definitely a hurdle to get over. Not only was I not be able to be physically active for a couple of weeks, the affects of thyroid removal will have a long term impact on my journey I am sure. I am going to have to learn what foods I should avoid, what foods are best for me to eat. I could possibly be on medication for the rest of my life. It will almost feel like starting from scratch. That makes me anxious. Why does this all have to be so hard? 

Well life is hard isn't it? Isn't life just overcoming one obstacle after another? Why does weight-loss have to be "extra" hard? 

When I think about my 46 years and everything I have gone through and overcome I can see a little glimmer at the end of this tunnel. I can overcome all of this too. I just need to stop telling myself otherwise. I need to remember that there are still parts of this that I control. So I will get back to embracing those things and work on the rest...with help. Because its OK to ask for help and reach out for support. 

So I'm going to tell myself what I tell so many others out there...

You got this girl! Eyes on the prize!