A Little Lost but Determined

This is me today. Just not feeling it. 

Working out for me has never been an issue. I enjoy it. But today I think I'm letting the uncertainty of my journey get to me. 

I stopped doing WW because I felt like it was no longer serving me, or if I'm being honest, my head was just not in the program any more. Then I decided to jump on the calorie counting train, aiming for calorie deficit. There is so much information out there though that it is overwhelming. Should I be aiming for 1500 cals a day, 1800? 2000? I've used different calorie calculators, I've watched countless YouTube videos, followed a number of reputable health and fitness accounts on Instagram. Then I just started winging it. Picking a number and going for it. It worked, until it didn't. I lost a few pounds but then found I plateaued again, got discouraged and ended up back on the hamster wheel. 

I know part of my problem is discipline. It's a funny thing...discipline. We often have no issue finding that sense of discipline for some things but not others. For me weighing and measuring my food was never a skill or habit I acquired. I know how important it is...I know it is likely the biggest contributing factor to my lack turbulent journey. 

I am a planner. A list maker. I like, no, I need to feel like I know what I am doing. I do not enjoy feeling lost or unsure. It is really bothering me that this is where I am at right now. A bit lost. In the gray. Stuck in the middle somewhere, unsure of how to get myself back on track. I am getting frustrated and I an feel the slide down that slippery slope of no return. 

What I do know and what I am sure of is that I do not want to go back to 245lbs. So, I am determined to figure this out and find my way...again.